Driving Lessons - Is this Racist?
by davidkun799
Summary: Inspired by Insertmanyfandomhere's fanfic, what happens when you put the current roster into taking Driving Lessons? Well, let's just say: It goes downhill from here!


**Driving Lessons - Is This Racist?**

* * *

 **Callum appears in front of the screen**

 **"Ok! We're taking our 94 or 95 characters to take some driving lessons because they are absolute shit at driving!"**

 **"Hey! We're not!"**

 **"Well, deal with it! It's called taking lessons from the master himself! You see, you're about to witness that my driving teaching skills will make anyone drive properly."**

 **"That's a load of bullshit and you know it!"**

 **"Shut the FUCK up, Kaze! Anyways, enjoy the show!"**

* * *

 **WEI**

 **Xiahou Dun: He tries to start the engine with no success**

 **"Dammit! How do you start this thing?!"**

 **"Well, you need to turn the key. It's not that hard, Dun."**

 **"Oh! Right!"**

 **He does it, but he ends up snapping the key in half. Callum was at a loss of words.**

 **"How the fuck did you do that...? I need to get a new key."**

 **Dian Wei: He smashes the brakes when they see a red light**

 **"Argh! Dian Wei! That was expensive!"**

 **Xu Zhu: Callum was forced to push the car**

 **"Oh! We're going! Yay!"**

 **"Fuck you, Zhu..."**

 **Cao Cao: Manages to do fine, but he ends up crashing into a McDonalds drive thru**

 **"Cao Cao, I hate you for this, but at least we get free food."**

 **"Hehe. Sorry."**

 **Xiahou Yuan: He drives fine... until he pulls out his bow and arrows.**

 **"Hey! Don't pull out your bow and arrows! We're not doing a drive-by shooting!"**

 **"If I can shoot that sign over there, you owe me fifty bucks."**

 **"What? That's impossible. How can you aim it while you are driving?"**

 **"Simple. I just use my feet."**

 **"Hang on! What are you-AH!"**

 **The car crashes into a tree as Yuan lets go of the wheel. Callum tried to stop it but by then, it was already too late.**

 **"Ow... I'm seeing stars..."**

 **Zhang Liao: He was ok for a while until he crashed into someone else's car.**

 **"Hey! Are you fucking blind?! You just hit my car!"**

 **"Um, Liao, we should get going! He's got a gun!"**

 **"My pleasure!" He reverses back.**

 **"Wow! You learn fast!"**

 **Xu Huang: He drives normal**

 **"Wow. I have no comment. You pass, Huang."**

 **"As expected."**

 **Zhang He: Many people call him out for being gay. He didn't took that well so he ends up running over a lot of people.**

 **"Are you trying to get us arrested?!"**

 **Zhen Ji: She just stood there.**

 **"Um, can you go?"**

 **"Hmph! I thought you said it was an automatic carriage!"**

 **"Well, you're wrong. So start the car!"**

 **Cao Ren: Due to his armor, he was forced to stand up as he was driving.**

 **"I think you need to take off your armor. You're scratching my car."**

 **Cao Pi: Like Zhen Ji, he just stood there.**

 **"What are you doing?! Go already!"**

 **"No! Why should I drive?!"**

 **"Because if you don't, I'll send those Halloween pics of you wearing a fucking bunny suit!"**

 **"Don't you Dare."**

 **"I will if you don't! Now get in the fucking car!"**

 **Pang De: He had a bit of trouble but he was fine**

 **"Are you alright? You look like you broke all of your bones or something."**

 **"I did worse."**

 **Cai Wenji: She drives ok, but in a slow pace. Callum was getting annoyed.**

 **"Wenji, it's going to be fine. You won't run people over. I promise."**

 **"You sure?"**

 **"Yes. You don't have to worry."**

 **"Ok..."**

 **A few minutes later, Wenji was covered in blood. Why, you ask? Well, she ends up almost killing Callum when she was confronted by two angry women. Apparently, she ended up driving into a bar. In front of two drunk and angry girls.**

 **"Wenji... remind me not to take you anywhere."**

 **"Oh! Sorry!"**

 **Jia Xu: He tries to focus, but he soon notices Wenji's blood on the windshield.**

 **"What the hell happened over here?"**

 **"Wenji got into an altercation with a few women so she mercilessly beat them up."**

 **"Wenji did this? Cai Wenji? That's a load of bullshit."**

 **"Eh. At least Wenji is alright."**

 **Wang Yi: She runs them over, to Callum's dismay.**

 **"You fucking lunatic! This is not GTA! This is real life!"**

 **Guo Jia: He was fine until he sees two hot women on the sidewalk.**

 **"Um, I don't think it's a good idea."**

 **"Why? These ladies can't resist my charms."**

 **"Well, you see, they have boyfriends."**

 **"Meaning...?"**

 **"They are already taken. Sorry, buddy."**

 **"Aw man!"**

 **Yue Jin: Due to his height, he was forced to use telephone books**

 **"Oh. I feel sorry for you."**

 **Yue Jin would later unleash a inhuman roar of rage as he slammed the accelerator and crashed into a wall.**

 **"Ok... Note to self, get a smaller car."**

 **Li Dian: He closes his eyes... while driving... the results are predictable.**

 **"I fucking hate you... Ow..."**

 **"Whoops! Maybe I shouldn't close my eyes while we're close to the police station."**

 **Yu Jin: He drives the car extremely fast, but ends up getting pulled over by the cops.**

 **"See? This is what happens when you speed!"**

 **"It's not my fault that the seat was sticky. Who was responsible for that?"**

 **"Um, Wenji almost killed two women and myself so that was her blood."**

 **"Really? Wenji, of all people?"**

 **"Yeah."**

 **"Shit. Didn't know she can do this much damage."**

 **Xun Yu: He gets the handle of it.**

 **"So, you're the second person out of Wei to pass my test. Well done."**

 **"Thanks."**

 **Man Chong: Like Xun Yu, he drives fine.**

 **"Same goes to you, Man Chong. You pass."**

 **"Hehe. It looks like my skills have saved the day."**

 **Xun You: He ends up getting attacked by a lot of fangirls before he got in the car.**

 **"AAHHHHHHH! XU SHU-SAMA!"**

 **"Argh! Callum, help!"**

 **"Hey! You bitches! Get off of him! He's not Xu Shu!"**

 **Cao Xiu: He's ok, but he drives straight into a pole.**

 **"Why did you do that?!"**

 **"Oh! I could've sworn I saw Zhou Fang behind the pole."**

 **"You're a fucking idiot..."**

* * *

 **Wu**

 **Zhou Yu: He drives fine**

 **"I have no comment. Zhou Yu, you pass. You're breaking the typical stereotype."**

 **"And that is?"**

 **"Asians are horrible drivers."**

 **Soon, Callum was then thrown out of the car.**

 **"Ok. That went horribly wrong in an instant."**

 **Lu Xun: He lights the car on fire, to Callum's dismay**

 **"Why the fuck did you do that?! That's fucking dangerous!"**

 **"What? I love fire!"**

 **"Still, that doesn't mean you had to set it on fire!"**

 **Taishi Ci: He helps Callum steal a new car.**

 **"Are you sure that this is ok?"**

 **"Yes. Blame Lu Xun for this if we get caught."**

 **"Understood."**

 **Sun Shangxiang: She drives very fast**

 **"Slow down! I just got this car!"**

 **"Aw yeah! It feels so good! What a rush!"**

 **"It's not that exhilarating! Just try not to get us arrested by the cops!"**

 **Sun Jian: He's ok until Huang Zu appears and blasted him with a few bullets.**

 **"Hey! Fuck off, Zu!"**

 **Zu just scoffed and retreated.**

 **"Fuck. Well, I can call this a near death experience, am I right? Hehe- Right?"**

 **Sun Quan: He's fine. Callum was silent for the whole ride.**

 **"Um... ok. I think that's enough driving. You're killing the mood."**

 **"What?! How?! I was doing good!"**

 **"Well, that's the problem. You're too good at this. So get out of the car."**

 **Lu Meng: He drives ok.**

 **"Huh. You're the second one from Wu to pass. Good job."**

 **"No big deal. It's actually worth it."**

 **Gan Ning: He speeds... and he was sent flying out of the windshield. Callum gasped**

 **"Shit... He forgot to put on his seatbelt... Well, that's what happens when you ignore safety rules."**

 **Huang Gai: He decided to lift the car when they were stuck in traffic.**

 **"This counts as cheating! Put the car down!"**

 **"It's faster this way."**

 **"No it's not!"**

 **Sun Ce: He does the same thing as his sister, but like Gan Ning, he was also sent flying out of the windshield**

 **"Come on! I just bought that windshield!"**

 **"I'm ok!"**

 **"Of course you are..."**

 **Daqiao: She does ok.**

 **"Da Qiao, tell your husband that he's a horrible driver."**

 **"Eh? Why?"**

 **"He was sent flying from the windshield. That's why the windshield is not there."**

 **"Oh. Ok."**

 **Xiaoqiao: Callum refuses to put her on the wheel.**

 **"No can do, little girl. I'm not risking my life over a girl such as yourself."**

 **"Aw! You're a meanie!"**

 **Zhou Tai: He's fine.**

 **"Tai, congrats on ranking second. So, do you have any plans for 2018?"**

 **He remains silent**

 **"Ok. Silent type. Gotcha."**

 **Ling Tong: He gets called on by a couple of guys.**

 **"Hey, baby! How about you and I go on a date?"**

 **"Tong, ignore them! They must be gay! Drive faster!"**

 **"What?! Why?!"**

 **"Look at yourself! You're like a girl in some sort of way!"**

 **"I'm not!"**

 **"You ARE, in a way!"**

 **Ding Feng: His size was the last straw for Callum**

 **"I give up. Ding Feng, get out of the car. I'll pass you by default."**

 **Lian Shi: She drives ok until the police show up**

 **"Aw fuck! It's the Five-0! Lian Shi, use your secret weapon!"**

 **"My what?"**

 **"You know, your melons!"**

 **"Explain?"**

 **"I said your boobs! Use them!"**

 **"What?!"**

 **"Just trust me! I'll be hiding in the trunk!"**

 **Lu Su: He has some trouble but he gets the hang of it.**

 **"What happened to you?"**

 **"I'm tired. I suffered from almost 10 near death experiences! And that's only from Wei and Wu! I need to lie down!"**

 **"Relax. You're pressuring yourself. Try to calm down by breathing."**

 **"Oh. Thanks for the advice."**

 **Han Dang: He does fine until he stops... right in front of another car.**

 **"Old man! Get moving, you fucking old fart! They should revoke your license because you are trash! Fucking moron!" Han Dang boils in anger and proceeds to beat the ever loving shit out of the driver who insulted him. Soon, after a few minutes, Han Dang gets back in the car, looking calm and ok.**

 **"Um, are you ok?"**

 **"Yes. I'm ok. Just venting out some frustration."**

 **"Ok. Well, drive it back."**

 **Zhu Ran: He lights the car on fire.**

 **"Why... Alright... Zhu Ran, it's an automatic fail."**

 **"What?! I didn't even know it can do that! Honest!"**

 **"Yeah right."**

 **Cheng Pu: He helps Callum steal another car.**

 **"Thanks for helping me, Cheng Pu."**

 **"No problem. You look like hell."**

 **"Argh... I had a rough day."**

 **Xu Sheng: He speeds on the road**

 **"Slow down! I just got this car!"**

 **"HAHAHA! This is amazing! I can feel the blood pumping in my veins! This is awesome!"**

 **"You're going to fucking kill us!"**

* * *

 **Shu**

 **Zhao Yun: He stops and checks on the car**

 **"What happened to the car?"**

 **"Xu Sheng happened."**

 **"Oh. So, does that mean I-"**

 **"Pass. Yeah. Just barely."**

 **Guan Yu: Like Ding Feng, he barely fits into the car. As a result, his head breaks the roof.**

 **"At least you have a reason, Guan Yu..."**

 **Zhang Fei: He was drunk when he got in the car.**

 **"Ok. No. Nononono. You. Out."**

 **"What... Why...?"**

 **"You're drunk. That's why. Do you want us to get pulled over?"**

 **Zhuge Liang: The car stalls.**

 **"Can you ignite the car?"**

 **"Of course."**

 **"Ok. Just don't get hit by cars."**

 **Liu Bei: He drives very slow. Callum looks annoyed.**

 **"Hey, relax. It's just a road. There are no civilians nor animals. You're fine."**

 **"Are you sure...?"**

 **"Yes. Now drive a bit faster."**

 **"Ok."**

 **Ma Chao: 10 seconds in, he already crashed near a swimming pool.**

 **"Ok... How did you do that?"**

 **"What? I did this because of JUSTICE!"**

 **"I swear... your obsession of justice will be the death of us all."**

 **Huang Zhong: He drive slow, but manages to do fine.**

 **"Despite being old as fuck, you still manage to-"**

 **He whacks him with his bow**

 **"OW! Why the fuck did you do that?!"**

 **"Call me old again and I'll smack a bitch... starting with you..."**

 **Jiang Wei: He just sat there.**

 **"What's wrong? Why aren't you moving?"**

 **"I want Prime Minister!"**

 **"Too bad! Start the fucking car!"**

 **Wei Yan: For some reason, he ends up driving near the docks.**

 **"How did you do this in little time?"**

 **"It... just... happened..."**

 **"Ok. I'm just gonna pass you by default..."**

 **Pang Tong: Due to his hat, he had a lot of trouble seeing where he was driving.**

 **"If you can take off your hat, maybe you would've got the car on the road."**

 **As it turns out, the car was on a random cargo ship.**

 **"Oh... I can't do that."**

 **"Why not?"**

 **"Because I have something that is rather disturbing."**

 **"It's fine. Just take your hat off."**

 **"Ok. If you say so."**

 **Needless to say, Callum was frozen in fear after he looked at Pang Tong without his hat.**

 **Yue Ying: She drives fine until the car stalls**

 **"Oh! Let me-"**

 **"It's alright. I'll do it." She hops out of the car**

 **"Are you sure-"**

 **The car starts again.**

 **"What the fuck...? Ok. Either Yue Ying is a genius or the forces of nature are messing with me."**

 **Guan Ping: He does ok for a while until he crashes into a supermarket.**

 **"Well, at least you led us to a supermarket. Now, I can get some food."**

 **"Um... Callum?"**

 **"What?"**

 **As soon as he turned around, the cops were behind them the entire time.**

 **"Fuck..."**

 **Xing Cai: Despite her requests to put Liu Shan in the car, she drives fine.**

 **"Even though you tried to gouge my eye out, you pass. Well done."**

 **"As expected. So, where's Liu Shan? Can I join him?"**

 **"Fuck no! You almost gouged out my fucking eye!"**

 **Liu Shan: He gets out of the car as soon as he got in.**

 **"Hey! Shan! Get back here!"**

 **Ma Dai: The car was in traffic so he draws up a hoverboard to fly across. Callum was amazed at this.**

 **"Wow... How did you do that...?"**

 **"Basic skills."**

 **"Fuck driving. You pass by default!"**

 **Guan Suo: He drives badly... even Callum almost died. As a result, Callum snaps.**

 **"FUCK YOU! THIS IS WHY YOU'RE HATED! NO ONE LIKES YOU!"**

 **"Ouch... do you had to be so-"**

 **"ACTUALLY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR! I DON'T NEED TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT!"**

 **"But-"**

 **"FOCK OFFFFFFFFFFFDUIHFDFHSH-**

 **TECHINCAL DIFFICULTIES: WE LOST THE REMAINING FOOTAGE DUE TO DAMAGE WITH THE VIDEO. DON'T WORRY, WE'LL BE BACK IN A FEW MINUTES**

 **Bao Sanniang: She glares at Callum with murderous intent as she drives. Callum was hiding.**

 **"Bao... don't get mad at me... I did that to vent out some anger... Hehe... sorry..."**

 **She doesn't say anything. But her eyes tell a different story. She. IS. PISSED.**

 **"Fuck..."**

 **Xu Shu: Gets into a similar situation as Xun You, but this time, Callum came prepared.**

 **"FUCK YOU, BITCHES! HAHAHAAHA!"**

 **"Are you ok?"**

 **"What does it look like? Drive!"**

 **Zhang Bao: He drives fast and crashes into a goal post.**

 **"At least you're better than Suo."**

 **"Why?"**

 **"He just failed as soon as he drove. He even killed a lot of people without looking."**

 **"Oh... That's bad.."**

 **"Yes. It is. And now Bao is pissed at me."**

 **"Why?"**

 **"Well, she found out that I lashed out at him..."**

 **"Poor you."**

 **Guan Xing: He's the best of the Guans.**

 **"Wow. I'm impressed. You pass."**

 **"Hehe. That was easy."**

 **Guan Yinping: She does better than Xing, but as soon as she finished, she destroys the door.**

 **"Ok... You just smashed a door off it's hinges. Completely. I don't think that is possible."**

 **"That was an accident! Honest!"**

 **"Honestly, I just don't care."**

 **Fa Zheng: He goes into a rampage.**

 **"Slow down! You're killing a lot of people like Suo!"**

 **"What about that fool? He's weak. Like you."**

 **"Fuck you! I bulked up in size, thank you very much!"**

 **Zhou Cang: He challenges Callum to a race.**

 **"Are you sure you want me to drive? That kinda makes you fail by default."**

 **"I don't care! I just want to challenge you for a race! Your car vs. my speed! Whoever arrives at the Ice Cream store, wins! Deal?"**

 **"Deal."**

 **After a few minutes, Callum arrives... right after Zhou Cang. He stares in shock.**

 **"What the fuck?! How did you beat me?!"**

 **"I'm the fastest in the land! That's why!"**

 **Xiahou Ji: Callum was hesitant, but was forced to by Zhang Fei.**

 **"Ok, Xiahou Ji. Don't try to kill me. Ok?"**

 **"Right..."**

 **After a few minutes, the car was surprisingly ok.**

 **"I'm just gonna go and lie down to bed."**

 **"Does that mean I pass?"**

 **"Yes, Ji. You did. Now go to your husband..."**

* * *

 **Jin**

 **Sima Yi: He scoffs and starts driving like a madman**

 **"Hey! I just got out of a nasty situation! Don't make me slap you!"**

 **"Slap me? Hmph. Imbecile."**

 **Sima Shi: He passes with no troubles**

 **"Congrats, Shi."**

 **"Thank you, Callum."**

 **Sima Zhao: As soon as he gets in the car, it was destroyed.**

 **"How... Ok. Zhao, what the fuck just happened?"**

 **"I didn't know it can do that!"**

 **"Well, you just did worse than Lu Xun so fuck you for destroying the car."**

 **Deng Ai: He helps Callum find another car**

 **"Thanks for helping me, Deng Ai."**

 **"It's no problem. Also, what happened?"**

 **"Most of Shu fucking failed and Zhao destroyed the car. I'm sick of this shit."**

 **Wang Yuanji: She succeeds with little effort.**

 **"Ok. You seem to take Zhao's traits with this. But still, you pass."**

 **"As expected. Although, I can't blame Zhao for what happened to the last car."**

 **"Why?! He just- Ok. Nevermind."**

 **Zhong Hui: He just stood there.**

 **"Get in the fucking car!"**

 **"No!"**

 **"Do it or I'll cut that 'THING' off!"**

 **At this, Zhong Hui's eyes widened in shock as Callum pulled out a pair of scissors.**

 **"O-Ok! I'll do it!"**

 **Zhuge Dan: He fails horribly.**

 **"Ok. Get the fuck out of this car."**

 **"What?! Why?! I'm a member of the Zhuge-"**

 **"I don't give a shit! You did worse than Zhuge Liang, Jin, and Ke combined! Now, get the fuck OUT!"**

 **Xiahou Ba: Callum helps him, but other than that, he somehow passes.**

 **"Are you ok? You pass."**

 **"Did I? Wow! Didn't see that one coming!"**

 **Guo Huai: He coughs up blood, staining the windshield.**

 **"God fucking dammit! Guo Huai!"**

 **"Oh... Sorry..."**

 **Jia Chong: His daughter was with him, making him uncomfortable.**

 **"Jesus... Jia Chong, is your daughter like Edward from Twilight because she looks pale as fuck..."**

 **His response was a punch in the face by Chong**

 **"OW! I was being honest!"**

 **"Well, you insulted my daughter so there."**

 **"Fuck you..."**

 **Wen Yang: His height was a major problem, but he's ok.**

 **"Despite being Zhao Yun's rival, you did fine. You pass."**

 **"Oh! It's nothing. I just did what you did."**

 **"Nah. It's fine. You deserve it."**

 **Zhang Chunhua: She drives ok, but then, the police arrive.**

 **"Ok! Just use the same method that Lian Shi used! You'll be fine!"**

 **"What?!"**

 **"Just trust me!"**

 **Xin Xianying: Her father was with them as she drove the car.**

 **"Ok. Just be careful of-"**

 **"Xianying, be careful."**

 **"That's what I just said that, Xin Pi."**

 **"Well, you took too long."**

 **"Hey! I'm the one who's in charge so shut up!"**

 **"It's fine, Callum and father. I'll be ok."**

 **A few minutes later, she ends up in a gym.**

 **"Ok. How did we get here again?"**

 **"Oops. Yinping must've played with the controls."**

 **Xianying laughs nervously as they saw lots of people groaning in pain.**

* * *

 **Other**

 **Diao Chan: Needless to say, Callum passes out due to her beauty.**

 **"Callum?! Are you alright?!"**

 **"No... Let me die and go to heaven..."**

 **Lu Bu: His size was a problem, but then, the car stalls, so Lu Bu was forced to push the car.**

 **"This is torture!"**

 **"Well, your size is a key factor so keep pushing!"**

 **Dong Zhuo: He already gets killed by Callum**

 **"Fuck you, asshole. My wife is not for you to dream upon..."**

 **Yuan Shao: He just stood there.**

 **"Not again... Shao, get in the car."**

 **"Hmph! This is a waste of my time!"**

 **"Hey! Get back here, Shao!"**

 **Zhang Jiao: He keeps on preaching for the heavens, but it didn't go so well.**

 **"Jiao, some day, your preachings will get us killed."**

 **"Oh. Sorry, follower of the Yellow Turbans."**

 **"For the last time, I'm not from the Yellow Turbans!"**

 **Meng Huo: His size ends up inflicting a lot of damage to the car.**

 **"Ok. You can't fit it so we had to walk."**

 **"Aw! Walking is boring!"**

 **"Too bad. Not my fault you damaged the car."**

 **Zhu Rong: She sets the car on fire.**

 **"At least you didn't do that much damage."**

 **"What does that even mean?! Are you saying that women cannot-"**

 **"No! What I'm saying is that-OW!"**

 **She just scoffed and left.**

 **"Wrong choice of words... Hehe..."**

 **Zuo Ci: He uses a bit of his mystic powers to give it a boost. It didn't go as planned.**

 **"For a mystic, you didn't even think this through."**

 **His response was a groan.**

 **"Thought so. Next time, don't do that again."**

 **Chen Gong: Out of the Other group, he drives ok.**

 **"Well, you passed. No surprise there."**

 **"Ah. Thank you."**

 **Lu Lingqi: She drives fine, but then crashes into a gym.**

 **"Ok. It's either Yinping tampered with it or you wanted to get us arrested."**

 **"Relax! This is where I lost to Yinping before! I won't lost to her again!"**

 **"At least you didn't do just as bad as the others... That's a good thing..."**

 **Dong Bai: She beats up Callum for killing Dong Zhuo as she was driving.**

 **"Ow! Calm the fuck down! He's fine!"**

 **Hua Xiong: He flirts with a lot of women, distracting him enough for the car to crash into a hostess bar.**

 **"You did that on purpose. Ow..."**

 **Yuan Shu: He stays there until Yuan Shao arrives and beats him up.**

 **"Ok. That didn't go as planned. Shu, are you ok?"**

 **"Does it look like I'm ok-OW! Shao! You brute! How dare you?!"**

 **"Jesus... sibling rivalry at it's latest."**

* * *

 **So, what do you think of my take on Driving Lessons? Good? Bad? Well, it doesn't matter anyway because I'm done with this fanfic! Hooray!**

 **I'll be back with the first chapter of The Life of Yue Ying pretty soon so stay tuned to that!**


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